Sleep, Baby, Sleep…

(Dedicated to all the mothers who have suffered endless sleepless nights thanks to their tiny beloved ones…)

Until you have experienced a baby who does not sleep, you cannot begin to imagine how awful it is. My first son, Dominic, was such a baby.

To say that Dominic never slept is not strictly speaking true. He would sleep for maybe twenty minutes at a time during the day and perhaps an hour or two during the night - never the same twenty minutes and never the same two hours. Every day was different, I could plan nothing. Dominic was frequently tired and fretful (as was I) but if he had so much as five minutes sleep there was no chance of him sleeping again for hours.

By the time he was seven months old I was a complete wreck. I called all the Helplines, read all the books on sleeping problems , asked every mum I knew about their methods and finally asked the Practice Nurse for a sleeping draft for Dominic. She said "No". I was in total despair. Every expert and book seemed to say the same thing - leave him to cry - but I couldn't. Dominic would cry instantly and become hysterical within seconds of being put into his cot. If I left him he would go purple and vomit. The books seemed to be talking about a completely different kind of baby who would " cry for a bit and then fall asleep exhausted".

Many broken nights later, a friend asked me to be part of a Sleep Clinic Trial. I agreed immediately but honestly believed we were beyond help. Dominic was 18 months old and things had actually got worse. He slept just as infrequently but now I had to spend hours lying on the bed with him in an effort to get him to sleep at night. Our first appointment at the Sleep Clinic was mostly a detailed account of the problem, our particular circumstances and what we would like to achieve sleep-wise. I explained that I could not leave Dominic alone in his cot to cry. "Don"t worry, she said, you won't have to".

We were sent home with a 'Sleep Diary' to keep an exact record of Dominic's sleeping pattern. At our next appointment, it was explained that all Dominic's "sleep triggers" involved me. He went to sleep lying on my bed with me, so when he woke up alone in his cot he naturally cried. I had to teach him his cot was a safe place to be and introduce new " sleep triggers" that did not centre on me.

I was to put Dominic into his cot at 12 noon (the time he most often slept according to the diary) every day without fail. I must get him up by 8am and must not let him fall asleep before the noon nap. I could sit next to the cot ,touch him through the bars to soothe him but could not lift him out. I was to use no kind of music box. He could have his dummy, his special cloth and I could sing to him. "You can sit with him until he falls asleep", I was told. "But he won't" I said "I'll be there all day". The first day he cried (loudly but not hysterically) for 35 minutes, the second for only 10 and by the end of the week not at all, he'd just lie down and sleep. I could not believe it.

The next stage was to sit nearer and nearer the door and then to pop out for a few seconds while he was still awake, returning at once if he got upset. Eventually I was able to just kiss him and leave as soon as I put him down.  We began work on the nights. Again, strict routine was esential. At exactly 8pm (this time was decided by me) every night I was to bring Dominic upstairs, give him a quiet bath and take him straight into HIS bedroom. Once he was ready for bed he could have his milk on my knee but he must stay awake to drink it. As soon as he was finished it was into the cot and a repeat of the daytime nap process. It took no time at all to establish this and he would settle within minutes. When he woke in the night, I could go to him and let him have a drink if he wanted one and then just sit by the cot until he fell asleep again. He was not to be allowed out of the cot once in it for the night. When he had accepted this arrangement, I began to sit further and further from the cot while he went back to sleep and also started to water down his milk so it was less worth waking for.

Within 10 painless weeks we went from having a baby with no set daytime nap, no set bedtime and nights which averaged 7/8 wakings, all requiring my personal attention, to a baby who slept for an hour at 12 noon, went to bed at 8.30pm and woke, at most, twice a night for a quick drink in his cot. It felt like a miracle.

Dominic is now nearly five and still needs very little sleep. A 10 minute nap after school can have him awake until 11pm and any upset in his life always brings him through to our bed in the small hours. Knowing him as a person, I can see why leaving him to cry in a room on his own would never have worked but this very simple system did.

To find out if there is a Sleep Clinic in your area, ask your Health Visitor.