HAZARD TO HEALTH! 

Material Safety Data Sheet

"WOMAN" - A Chemical Analysis 

Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Discovered : Adam
Atomic Mass : Accepted as 53.6Kg but may vary from 40Kg to 200Kg
Occurence : Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES  

  1. Surface usually covered with a painted film
  2. Boils at various temperatures, freezes without any known reason
  3. Melts if given special treatment
  4. Bitter if incorrectly used
  5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
  6. Yields to pressure applied to correct point

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES  

  1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones
  2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
  3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason
  4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation with alcohol
  5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES

  1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
  2. Can be great aid in relazation
  3. Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS  

  1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when found in its natural state
  2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

POTENTIAL HAZARDS  

  1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
  2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations
    as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other